Christmas · Flash Fiction · Uncategorized

Neither use nor ornament

This piece of flash fiction was part of a challenge to write a story/scene that was not related to Christmas, but included at least six of the Christmassy words from this list e.g. holly, gift, sleigh, jingle, merry, reindeer, snowman, cheer, carol, elf, ornament.

Try it yourself and share your attempt with me!

Neither use nor ornament

“You’re neither use nor ornament” Mrs Byrne declares as she shoos me out of her way with the sweeping brush.  I know better than to take offence and skip out of her path with a merry jaunt before my ankles bear the brunt of her cleaning frenzy.  

The jingle of the bell above the shop door causes us both look up to see Carol from the hairdressers next door bustle in.  Carol is forever changing her hairstyle and lately sports a cropped cut that makes her look like an elf, you’d think someone would have told her that her ears are too pointy for it.   


“Did you hear the latest?” Carol breathlessly asks, she knows us well enough to now wait for us to cheer her on and offers up the local gossip like a gift-wrapped present.  “Ye know yer man from the pharmacy up the road, the one who looks like that big snowman fella from Ghostbusters..”


“Is he not made from tyres, or marshmallows?” I interrupt, only to get a silencing belt of the brush against my backside from Mrs Byrne; that woman loves a bit of gossip.   


“Jesus Clodagh, does it matter?  You know what I’m talking about don’t you?  Well, he’s only after putting up a sign on the door about a Slimming World meeting!  Here!  In town!”

Mrs Byrne lets the sweeping brush fall to the floor.  “So there’s no excuses to be made for us now is there?”  she asks over her ample bosom.


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